“Do you believe in a religion?” Every Sunday I look back at the monotonous days in which I would go to church. It wasn’t always bad when your younger, all the older people went into service, passing though the huge rustic doors, you were able to enjoy your time doing some random arts and craft activity. The smell of glue would fill the air, and glitter would cover your feet. Usually the Sunday school teacher would drone on and on about some prayer , I just focused on her desk and hoping that today she would finally let us use the cotton balls that have been silently sitting there all year..
Sooner or later thought it all faded away, nothing but a vast memory, as I was pushed through the dreaded confirmation classes. The smell of glue vanished with the on set of freshly sharpened pencils. The teacher also changed, she made us pay attention, claiming that God is watching my every move. Even with that in mind, my wooden pencil would find a way to become lost on the paper drawing figures and faces that had nothing to do with Jesus. This ritual would continue weekly, seeming to be wasting away my Sunday into nothing more then mere doodle sessions, that is until the day you become confirmed.
Standing on the stage in a rather clerical white robe, sitting, standing, waiting to recite your text from the holy book. Looking over the crowd, I noticed that no one was wearing a smile except my rather cheerful parents. Holding up there cheap Kodak cameras, the ones that you would just throw away once you finished using, just sitting in anticipation for my dreaded moment. Then it came, I stood, knees shaking, hoping that I would not forget a line, and then it was over. The very moment that I had been preparing for was finally over, the room stood still and everything was quite except the constant flickering of candles, it all was over.
Since then going to church hasn’t been so mundane, partly since I work Sundays, but also because I’m going on my own terms.
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Blake,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found your inner spirituality!
Religion never seems to make sense when you're younger. It always takes time to develop a sense of understanding and appreciation for it.
I like the topic you chose. It was definitely meaningful to you and it allowed us to learn a bit more about who you are and where you essentially came from.
What I would recommend, however, is that since this was supposed to be more of a poetic blog, a more stream of thought technique may have been more relevant. The piece you wrote explained the story very well, however, I wish it would have exposed more of your feelings and deeper thoughts. For poetry, do not feel obligated to write sentences. Just write what comes to your mind!
Great post!
I think your blog is well done as an essay, but as a poem it would be more effective to get a bit more description, metaphor, and your in-the-moment perceptions included. This line has a great deal of poetic potential:
ReplyDelete“The smell of glue would fill the air, and glitter would cover your feet.”
But, you don’t carry that potential through, and there seems to be a lot more “telling” than “showing”. In a poetic assignment like this, you shouldn’t feel beholden to normal sentence formation, overall structure, or meter. You can play with rhythm, with fragments, and with sound. It could be a lot of fun to take this story and shuffle the sentences a bit, bring it into the present once in a while, and throw in some tactile observations and unusual phrasing.
Otherwise, the progression of your story was very nice. It provided quite a bit of background on your religious experience and included interesting personal reflections.
One more note, it might be helpful to have some direction about the voice that opens your essay. It is a provocative question and an interesting way to begin, but it’s difficult to tell whose voice it is and why it’s not just as effective to have the line spoken in your own voice.