“I think the first thing on the list is pork roast…why are we getting pork roast?” I asked my girlfriend Alyssa.
“Because your family likes it remember? That’s all your dad cooks for me when I come over, so I’m guessing that’s a safe bet.” she replied. This grocery trip was already taking forever, Alyssa had to get everything ready to go to the grocery story. I never understood the concept of making a list, especially when we only needed to get a couple of items. Standing in the frozen food aisle, I realized I was starting to space out as Alyssa grabbed the roast out of the freezer.
“What’s next?” I asked, trying to hurry up the process.
“Potatoes, which one should I get, the garlic or the Italian seasoned?” Alyssa questioned.
“Aren’t those the same? I guess my family likes garlic more, my mom can’t get enough of the stuff.” I took the packet of seasoning and threw it into the cart.
“Goal!” I yelled running down the aisle.
“Come on, what’s next?” Her voice was getting tense, annoyed at my antics.
“Green beans. Don’t we have some of those?“ I asked Alyssa.
“No, I threw those away like three days ago” She Rebutted. As we walked over to the vegetables aisle, I started remembering last Thanksgiving dinner when my dad made those green beans with the French crunchy onions on top.
“Hey babe, can we get those crunchy onion thingies that go on top?” I asked in remembrance of my beloved dish.
“No, we are making steamed green beans with lemon.” She was very adamant about the dinner she was making, everything had to be perfect.
“Fine, I was just kidding anyways!” I lied, I really wanted the French onions. I waited watching Alyssa’s every move, waiting for my moment to escape and retrieve my onions. It seemed like decades before she finally was distracted by some random object. I bolted down the hall, pushing over everything in my way, I was determined to get them before she turned back around. Unfortunately, whatever she was looking at wasn’t that interesting and she caught me just as I got back.
“Drats! I know, I know. I’m putting them back” I walked away slowly defeat.
“I got the beans, what’s next?” Alyssa grew even more impatient with me.
“Salad! And that’s it.” I was glad that I could finally throw away Alyssa’s dumb list. “I hope we never move again, I hate cooking for my family, there’s too many people!”
“Don’t worry Blake it’ll be fine trust me!” She was trying to comfort me but it didn’t work, I still didn’t want to cook dinner.
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Blake,
ReplyDeleteFunny post! I think you did a really nice job incorporating voice into your characters and really bringing the scene alive. I feel like I could hear the tone in Alyssa's voice when you were driving her crazy!
I like the way you described the scene and moved through the aisles, transitioning from point to point, however, I was a little confused about how this was a hermit crab essay. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a little unsure of how to construct all these different essays we've been assigned, but I recall that the hermit crab essay needed some sort of shell?
Anyway though, I liked your post a lot and I think you did a wonderful job bringing out both yours and Alyssa's personality.
I like your use of dialogue in this post. It remains the driving force of the essay from beginning to end, which is very nice. It's also quite humorous at times. I would venture to say, however, that this is probably not a hermit crab essay. In my understanding, this type of essay should "adopt" in some sense a form other than the standard essay form (letter, how-to, etc.) This looks to me like a pretty standard format for an essay, which is not to say that makes it less enjoyable, just outside the prescribed form.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion as far as your actual story goes is that it may be more effective to end at "she caught me just as I got back." Your mad dash through the aisles is the center of the humor in the story, and it may have more impact to end with that instead of feeling the need to wrap up.