1.) Living in Tempe, having to drive down to Mesa to work is defiantly a pain. So I have to make sure that I have all of my belongings before I leave for work. Unfortunately, I often forget my lunch at the apartment and am forced to eat hospital food. Its even worse when I forget to bring my homework or the charger to my computer or cell phone. I even have forgot my cell phone a couple times, I use to be addicted to my cell phone. I mean I was crazy addicted always texting my girlfriend relentlessly, which she didn’t mind at all. When I forgot my cell phone it was already to late to go back to get it, or was it? I drove all the way back to Tempe just to grab my cell phone and ended up an hour late to work.
2.) When I was 16 I decided it was time for me to buy my own cellular phone. Craving the ability to get all of my friends numbers, maybe get a special girls number, the possibilities were endless. My parents made me promise to do my research and get a cell phone plan that I could afford and that included the features I needed, mostly texting. I spent hours doing my research…looking up Version, Sprint, AT&T, Cingular, and Cricket. The company Cricket seemed too good to be true. Unlimited everything for forty dollars a month! That was insane, I could text like a thousand times a thousand times and still call for hours on end. When I got my brand new cell phone from my brand new cell phone from Cricket I decided it was to good to be true, I had no coverage anywhere, I guess I should of learned more about the company before making a decision.
3.) Driving down the freeway, I grew bored, as I often do and decided to make up a game. I remember from many road trips where one person would try to find a word that begins a letters of the alphabet usually starting with the letter A then continuing in alphabetical order till Z. So I quickly took out my cellphone and took a picture of a word that started with the letter A. I sent it to my girlfriend and she knew quickly what I was trying to do and said that we would start the game once I was stopped driving, because like usual people, she was afraid of death. Everyone forgot of my sad attempt to start a fun game until the next day. While in class she sent me a picture with the letter B. The rest of the day was full of the adventure, running around Tempe searching for the rest of the alphabet.
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Hey Blake,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your posts!
I especially liked your last story a lot.. It seems like a fun game!
I think that you could have incorporated a bit more dialogue or voice into your stories. Your phone is clearly important to you, but instead of saying it, you could have showed it more through deepening your stories.
Overall, great job and I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts! Have a great weekend!
First of all, I’m very sorry this is late. I don’t know why, but your blog refused to let me confirm submission of the comment last night. So, here you go:
ReplyDeleteYour three stories certainly exhibited a breadth of your cell phone experience. They were amusing to read and you incorporated outside details about your life well. I agree with Arthi that some dialogue would be a welcome addition. It would liven up the stories a bit and give you a chance to showcase your voice.
In your first story, since they all are necessarily brief, it might be better to focus with more extensive detail on the incident of losing your phone and turning back to retrieve it. The extent you would go to in order to have your phone with you would reveal your “addiction” without you having to say it explicitly. You could give us your thoughts (in the moment) as you realize you have forgotten your phone. You could describe the traffic situation, describe the phone itself, etc. Staying specifically in that moment would give you the opportunity to share more details instead of trying to exemplify your entire relationship to the phone in one small paragraph.
Your second story is nice because it presents a small coming-of-age moral. It’s a common situation and easy to relate to. Be careful of your grammar here and in the rest of the stories. Be especially vigilant of the different between “to” and “too” and of run-on sentences (if what comes after the comma could be a free-standing sentence of its own, you must place a conjunction after that comma or use a semicolon.)
Your final story was my favorite. It shows your imagination and your sense of fun. The cell phone is important, but it is an accessory to the story, not the star, which is excellent. Very amusing game.